it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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