Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
