Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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