wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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