There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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