Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
