I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
