You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
