shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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