So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
