So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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