Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im part way to drunk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
