God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
