remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
