You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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