How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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