So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
