I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
