so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
