Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
