I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want her autograph on my taint
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
