And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
