How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize