Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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