How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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