News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize