brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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