I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have fence marks all over my body
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
