he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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