My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize