You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
