I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
