Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
