Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
