dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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