thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
