college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
