Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
