i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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