just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
