Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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