Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
