I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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