seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize