That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
