When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize