dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
