i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
