R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
