Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize