hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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