let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
