You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
