Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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