Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
