Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
birth control should be required to get into college
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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