i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
