dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
