guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize