My ATM looks so different sober.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
