This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
