And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My ass is underappreciated
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
