I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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