he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
