this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
