i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
