That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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