The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
