my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
