two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
