I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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