I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
