Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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