Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
