Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
