I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
