Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
