My room smells like vodka and shame
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
