maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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