who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
