I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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