I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
