I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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