idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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