she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
