Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
