I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You are the jesus of drinking
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
