Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
