I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
