im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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