what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
