Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
