i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
