she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
