am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
