i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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